Council Unsure If Dilapidated Building Unoccupied For Decade Counts As ‘Vacant’ Building

TASKED with identifying vacant properties within its boundaries, one local council is struggling significantly with the task despite the best will in the world.

“It’s leaning to the left and looks like it could collapse if someone doesn’t intervene soon,” a puzzled council worker shared with a colleague.

The building which has been brought to the attention of the council on at least ten occasions owing to the fact it was last occupied when the punt was still the official currency of Ireland.

“Yes, but on the other hand, judging by the rotting fox carcass we can see through the broken windows, it is likely occupied,” added the colleague, “it’s a shame that, would have been nice find at least one building in this damned town that could subject to vacant sites levy”.

Deciding that the tree growing through the core of the building was intentionally put there by a visionary architect, the pair remained unable to spot any other potentially derelict buildings.

“The seven other buildings on this row seems to have the same interior decorator, what would you called that ‘abandoned chic’? It’s cool, not for my own place now but I like when owners make bold statements like that. No natural light due to boarding up the window, very ‘Berlin’, isn’t it?” offered the admiring council worker.

Noting that it was getting late and that they should probably head back to the office and start looking at vacant buildings again sometime in mid-2026.