Weird! Sinn Féin Won’t Share Secrets Of Running Flawless Health Service In Northern Ireland


DESPITE many polite inquiries from voters, media outlets, health experts and opposition parties, Sinn Féin seem in no rush to explain how to oversee a flawless health system.

“You’ll just have to vote us in for two successive elections to find out,” confirmed a Sinn Féin spokesperson.

An upcoming ambulance strike mixed with strikes carried out by midwives, health and social care staff are believed to all be the fault of Westminster and the DUP.

“It’s such a tough nut to crack to you’d think they’d be more forthcoming,” said one patient in Cork who is a massive fan of not being forced to spend 16 hours on a trolley.

While the SDLP say the current state of the NHS would ’embarrass a third world country’ and Northern Ireland experiences longer waiting lists than Scotland, Wales and England, Sinn Féin maintain its hope it can bring a similar health service to the whole island.

“It’s absolutely not that we haven’t the faintest idea on how to turn around the on-fire gargantuan cruise liner that is the HSE, we just want to surprise you all after you vote us in,” added the party spokesperson.