Travis Kelce Just Hoping To Get Song About Him Out Of This


DESPITE BEING used to the media glare and obsessive fans as an NFL player, Taylor Swift’s new beau Travis Kelce has confessed to being overwhelmed at his first introduction to the obsessive nature of Swifties.

“I hope they don’t treat me too harshly when they realise I’m just hoping to get a break up song with opaque references to me out of all this, that’d be so cool,” confirmed Kelce, speaking about 2023’s most unexpected romantic pairing.

While Kelce admitted he was just a humble tight end and didn’t know the first thing about penning emotionally rich songs of the heart he couldn’t help get carried away.

“Maybe after I ghost Taylor she’d drop an album out of nowhere and it would all be like ‘my heart hurts like it’s just been tackled by a defensive lineman’, the songs wouldn’t reference me directly but we’d all know who it was about,” explained Kelce, who wasn’t expecting the ‘All Too Well’ treatment but hoped a ballad listing his emotionally stunted behaviour would be an official single with a video of Swift in an NFL helmet carrying a heart in place of a football.

“Paparazzi in my face non stop, deranged college girls assessing every blurry pixel of a picture of me and Taylor like they’re Sherlock Holmes is already getting a little much. Hopefully the ends justify the means,” Kelce said, who denied dating the ‘Anti-Hero’ singer was a cynical ploy and the easiest way for him to secure tickets to Swift’s Eras tour without having to pay thousands of dollars.