Irish Sporting Fans To Be Banned From Listening To Or Singing Music

FEARING yet more interminable and overwrought debates that emerge any time Irish people sing at sporting events, a blanket ban has been issued in a bid to free us all from this inane bolloxology.

The decision was taken by everyone experiencing migraines from having to endure TV, radio and online debates surrounding the singing of Zombie by The Cranberries after Ireland’s World Cup win over South Africa, and if it’s adhered to the ban it could result in everyone just getting on with their lives.

“It’s a disgrace!” said one irate man, unclear if it he felt the singing, the reaction to the singing or the reaction to the reaction of the singing was the source of his apoplexy.

It is believed the move to ban fans singing songs or being exposed to the artistic form of song and popular music will free up thousands of hours in the Irish media, which could see resources devoted to covering less important stories such as maternal deaths in Ireland, homelessness and whether Travis Kelce could finally be the one for Taylor Swift.

Reacting to the news the nation’s opinion columnists and contrary radio presenters have gone on hunger strike.