Ploughing Championships To Throw Anyone Mentioning Climate Change Into Slurry Pit

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“OH GOD no! It was a slip of the tongue please, I didn’t mean it, sure I’ve nitrous phosphate coming out me arse, aaaah” – the last pleading words of one farmer who made the mistake of mentioning the elephant in the room at this year’s Ploughing Championships.

The farmer, Liam Shields, is the 14th person so far today who has had to walk the plank over the slurry pit of shame before succumbing to the deathly fumes.

The new hardline approach from organisers is part of a bid to maintain the image of farmers as the Disney princesses of Irish ecology, perfect beings of pure innocence who possess the ability to speak to animals and heal the land.

“Say ‘sustainability’ ’til the cows come home lads, but don’t for the love of God say climate change,” said chief thrower of people into the slurry pit Martin Muckeridge, as part of a seminar entitled ‘bury your head in the furrow’.

“‘Sustainability’ is meaningless, it’s elastic, you can make it mean whatever you like. ‘I’m increasing the amount of waste I dump into the local waterways in a sustainable manner’, see it’s a gift,” Muckeridge added.

Elsewhere, a number of Dublin natives have been ejected from the premises after indulging in vile and offensive culchie cultural appropriation by dressing in Ben Sherman shirts.

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