Upcoming Budget Last Chance For Coalition To Buy Votes


THE COALITION government has been warned by budgetary watchdog the Irish Fiscal Advisory Council not to breach 5 per cent spending rule with a giveaway budget in a transparent attempt to buy votes.

However, Minister for Finance Michael McGrath became visibly upset at the news, claiming this was his ‘big moment’ to do the last budget before a possible election next year and ‘make it rain like he was in a Las Vegas strip joint’.

“The point of a pre-election budget is not fiscal responsibility or making decisions with long term gains that benefit the nation in mind, it’s for bribing the ever living shit out of the public,” confirmed Minister McGrath.

“It was Pascal in the driving seat when everyone got the PUP and thought he was class, this isn’t fair!”

Taoiseach Leo Varadkar echoed his colleague’s claims and pushed back against the notion espoused by the IFAC that overextending spending and borrowing could ever result in a negative situation in Ireland.

“Everyone knows this could be the last ever budget before Communist Sinn Féin make it illegal to earn over €100k, I just want to give Fine Gael voters a smile with a tax break here and there,” confirmed the Taoiseach, careful to clarify that tax breaks would go the investment fund/property developer end of the Fine Gael voters.

Elsewhere, the general public urged the IFAC not to be such ‘dry shites. Money, money, money, give me money’ before adding any sovereign wealth fund should be sent directly to their bank accounts instead.