Hero Fends Off Entire Green-All-The-Way Pub To Keep Seats For Friends Ahead Of Ireland Game


WITH IRISH pubs expecting massive crowds to go green all the way for Ireland’s games at the 2023 Rugby World Cup one local man is earning the title of ‘heroic seat keeper’ as he attempts to save half a dozen seats for his friends.

Having practiced his ‘yes sorry, seat’s taken’ routine for weeks, 32-year-old Ronan Kinsey’s polite but firm hold on 6 empty seats with a perfect view of the big screen in Busker Brownes (renamed Busker Greens due to pre-WC confidence), could go down in the history books as the most courageous undertaking of any rugby fan.

“He’s clearly spent a lifetime preparing for this, he had more jackets on him than an Autumn rail in Penneys, whipping layers off and popping them on each seat, with also a Heineken strategically placed on another,” said one barman, as Kinsey was now down to his bare chest painted entirely green.

“One lad tried to nab a seat on the sly, but this hero dug in and somehow channelled a prop’s thunder thighs to stand his ground – he has truly answered Ireland’s call” added the impressed barman.

With Kinsey’s WhatsApp messages from mates reading ‘be there in 5’ now turning 30-minutes old, the diehard rugby man has been forced to rely on elaborate stories to keep seat-hungry patrons at bay.

“That seat belongs to my friend Niall; he cures the blind. That one is also taken, that’s Katie’s chair, she sings lullabies to orphan puppies at the dog shelter,” Kinsey said, now guarding the seats like it was Ireland’s try-line.

Elsewhere, given that optimism and confidence going into a World Cup is at an all-time high, the nation has been urged to ensure they go green all the way – we’re talking head-to-toe green body paint (and don’t mention France 2007).

Drink Heineken responsibly.