“Did Ya Hear There’s A Job Going In The PSNI?” Drew Harris Asked For 50th Time Today


THE RESIGNATION of PSNI chief Simon Bynre has resulted in a flurry of small-talk aimed in the direction of similarly embattled Garda Commissioner Drew Harris, with many politely asking him if he’s heard there’s a job going in the PSNI.

“I hear the rotas up there are perfect, you don’t even have to shutdown serious crime squads just to put more uniforms on the street because the Minister for Justice is tanking in the polls and needs some cheap PR wins,” suggested one serving but not for much longer garda.

With gardaí quitting the force in record numbers amid disagreements over roster changes, Harris is used to officers averting eye contact and leaving a room when he enters it. However, the recent vacancy in Northern Ireland has changed that.

“It says here this Byrne fella has ‘resigned due to a number controversies’, does sound like something you’d be up for doing down here? Then you could whizz up the M1 and Bob’s your uncle, a job laid on a plate for you. Have you a CV handy, I’m a whizz on the Powerpoint now if only I could find a working PC in this station,” added another garda.

“An OBE, shutting down an inquiry into the Glennane Gang, that’s the sort of stuff that looks mega on a CV if you’re going for the PSNI”.

In Dubai to discuss the possible extradition of Daniel Kinahan to Ireland, Harris’ phone has been pinging like the phone of a Taylor Swift ticket tout with so many wishing him well in a job he hasn’t even applied for.

“It seems their policing units are actually fully staffed, and sure isn’t your favourite thing whittling that staff down with resignations so public spaces and open cases go unmanned? Best of luck in the PSNI,” confirmed residents of Dublin city via text.