“Don’t Mind Me” Says McDonald As She Measures Out Taoiseach’s Office


EMBOLDENED by the news that there will be 14 additional TDs in the Dáil after the next general election, Sinn Féin leader Mary Lou McDonald isn’t wasting any time in kitting out what she believes will be her new office.

“A few houseplants too would give the place a bit of life,” said McDonald to an interior decorator as they conversed directly over Leo Varadkar as he tried to conduct a phone call.

McDonald ensured an irritated Varadkar that the measuring of the office wouldn’t take too long and that he would barely notice her presence.

“It’s so sterile, like nobody actually works in it. An AI robot’s idea of what an office would look like,” continued McDonald now painting samples from the Dulux colour wheel all over the walls.

McDonald expressed concern that her 12ft tall nude portrait of Gerry Adams and Martin McGuinness posing as human yin and yang symbols would be too big for the walls of the Taoiseach’s office.

The opposition leader then produced a cardboard box and made a show of loudly packing up Varadkar’s belongings.

“We could get very ‘funky’ with it, get in a hipster graffiti artist in here, spray a slogan, that sort of thing. Or maybe that isn’t Sinn Féin’s vibe,” offered the interior designer as Varadkar increased the volume of his phone call in a bid to focus.

“Just brainstorming here, a neon ‘Tiocfaidh ár lá’ sign could go here on the wall,” added the decorator who has been advised to ask for payment up front in the event of another FF/FG coalition government.