New Far Right Party Looking For People Who Were Dropped On Their Head As A Child


NEW far right political party ‘Ireland First’ has announced its first nationwide call out for new members with the ideal candidates being people who may have suffered a mild-to-severe drop on the head as a child.

“Poor comprehension skills, quick to anger and easier again to confuse, we’re not the brightest ourselves so we need people easily persuaded by a unique combination of complete bollocks and racism to join our ranks,” confirmed a spokesperson in a statement written in crayon and dribble.

“If your Mam or Dad had arms on them like a greasy stripper pole, and weren’t too fussed on bringing you to get a CT scan when they dropped you then we think you’d be ideal for Brain Cells Last, sorry Ireland First,” added the spokesperson taking a break from enjoying the open and unchallenged racism, homophobia and anti-semitism as well as calls for violence against refugees which make up the party’s Telegram group.

For the avoidance of doubt the party has insisted that being dropped on your head as a child is of no use to them unless it dramatically restricted your ability to act like a functioning adult who can contribute to society. If you can hold a conversation or bring warmth to the life of a loved one, you will not be considered for membership.

“Not having a job helps too, we wouldn’t want the few lads that have joined made feel like you’re better than them. Having a job would just remind them of the man their ex-wife left them for, not good for morale,” added the spokesperson, who was shaking severely due to suffering withdrawals having failed to call anyone a paedophile in the last five minutes.

“Have you ever tried to microwave tinfoil? Eaten dishwasher tablets? Tried to nail a hammer? Looked for the people inside the TV? If it’s a yes, you can join us and become slowly alienated from your family in no time!”