Friends Vow To Strangle Life Out Of Mairead If She Uses Word ‘Situationship’ One More Time


HAVING just learned of the phrase thanks to a podcast she listens to, local woman Mairead Fortune has put herself in harms way due to her overuse of ‘situationship’, WWN can reveal.

“It’s clear Mairead has just learned the phrase ‘situantionship’ and just can’t help herself shoehorning it into conversation as a way to prove she’s ‘with it’,” confirmed Mairead’s friend Rachel Casey, who said this was even worse than that time when Mairead was dabbing unironically three years ago.

“I thought she’d run out of steam after forcing it into every conversation in the last month but it’s clear now the only option is to perform an amateur laryngectomy,” reasoned Casey, admin of new WhatsApp group ‘What’s With Mairead & Using ‘Situationship’ All The Time?’.

Having reached peak stop trying to make fetch happen, experts believe Mairead would be advised to slowly phase the phrase out rather than suddenly dropping it from her repertoire in a bid to avoid embarrassment.

Mairead’s addiction to situationship is symptomatic of a larger problem engulfing her fellow peers in their 30s, which is now being addressed by authorities.

A nationwide ban on people over 30 using phrases like ‘situationship’ has been in place since the start of the year with the utterances carrying an on-the-spot fine of €500 plus individual letters of apology to all people affected by the deep level of cringe they are subjected to.