Dublin Doesn’t Understand Why Rest Of Country Can’t Be Happy For Them


A LITTLE taken aback by the lack of enthusiasm from the rest of the country after their 1-15 to 1-13 victory over Kerry in the All-Ireland final, Dublin is beginning to suspect the rest of the country is a bit bitter.

“At first I thought they were miserable because of the rain. But c’mon we ended the curse – two agonising years. The long wait it over. Would it kill you to say ‘congratulations’?” said one Dubliner tasting victory for what feels like the first time in history such was the All-Ireland drought.

“Everywhere you looked on the pitch, there were heartwarming stories. Our goalkeeper is a pensioner, these are the feel good stories people should appreciate enough to put aside any petty rivalries,” offered one delighted Dubliner, who vowed to celebrate the traditional way by getting kicked out of Coppers.

Dubliners, living in a city where pints cost more than a private jet and every third person has been converted into a hotel, failed to fathom how anyone could begrudge them their success.

“It’s a classic underdog tale. We beat the champions against all the odds, it was a Goliath v David Clifford scenario,” confirmed another Dubliner, who had patiently waited by the phone for the texts to roll in from his cousins in Cork but to no avail.

Elsewhere, reacting to the news that BBC 2 broadcast the final, the DUP have called for all pallets to be replaced by TVs on next year’s bonfires.