Lovely! This Horrible Man Met A Woman With Sufficiently Low Self Esteem

A HEARTWARMING story coming into us here at WWN this morning, a local reprobate and possessor of a slowly rotting soul Niall McCaddlen has after years of searching found a woman sufficiently browbeaten by life to consider him as a viable partner.

“It was love at first sight wasn’t it, Cat, no it was, it was. Don’t mind her, she’s always coming out with negative stuff, I told her it’d give her cancer, but she won’t listen,” McCaddlen told his few remaining and long-suffering friends who would later discuss amongst themselves how unfortunate the poor woman was and how they should probably intervene.

“Her friends? Ah, Cat would say it herself a few of them are fairly bitter. They seem jealous Cat has someone now, and one of them is particularly fat. What, Cat? It’s true, anyway I think she likes to take that out on Cat by saying I’m wrong for her but you’re thinking of cutting her out your life now Cat aren’t you, for the best. Ah no, you will, you will,” added McCaddlen, doing all the talking for the pair.

Not initially identifying Cat O’Hare as the sort of person he could impose himself on when he met in the smoking area of a busy Waterford pub, McCaddlen said it was a nice bonus that O’Hare doesn’t realise his imposing nature and terrible character flaws don’t have to be excepted and endured.

“I did that negging thing, you know where you shit on a woman’s appearance as a flirty thing, and when she didn’t immediately slap me in the face and walk away I said here’s a woman who gets it – not ruined by the brain rotting feminism stuff you know,” continued McCaddlen, a slow moving horror movie of a human being.

“Bless Cat, now she has struggled with the self-confidence which is ideal for me,” said McCaddlen, before telling O’Hare to get him a pint up at the bar like a good woman.