Breakaway Cork Republic Appeal To Russia For Military Aid

HAVING bided their time since the invasion of Ukraine, a group of demented Cork separatists have chosen now as their time to appeal to Russia for help, hoping the opportunity proves too tempting with the promise of a free Cork adding greatly to western instability.

“We have secured the sovereign territory that is the property of my Cork brothers and sisters and no one else,” said leader of the breakaway republic, John Murphy, having secured his back garden in Youghal.

“The game is up we have port access meaning we can facilitate international trade with allies such as Russia perhaps, those in Leinster House must acknowledge our claim as righteous and true,” added Murphy, who was now shading in Cork on a map of Ireland with the help of a red crayon.

Head of media relations for the nascent republic Dermot Sullivan said that while engaging with Russia won’t win them many fans, it could win them help and long term sovereignty.

“We can’t supply arms like them North Korean bucks but if Vlad is listening, plutonium tea is far nicer using a bit of Barrys”.

Military hardware will be required to build and maintain fortifications aimed at keeping forces from the other counties on the island out, something Cork has appealed for.

“We’re not asking much, anything that can take out a Dublin reg car from a mile or two away,” concluded Sullivan.