Man Discovers Moral Objection To Cluster Bombs 16 Months After They Were First Dropped On Ukraine


LOCAL man Brian Orton has emerged as one of the most vociferous opponents of the use of cluster munitions in the theatre of war, just minutes after learning the US has delivered the widely banned weapons to Ukraine.

Orton, who expressed little interest in cluster bombs when they were used solely by Russia, discovered their production and use was banned by over 100 countries something he wholeheartedly agreed with.

“War mongers will call me crazy but maybe arming people with cluster bombs is a bad thing,” confirmed Orton, who did not object to the previous 16 months of Russian use of cluster munitions in Ukraine.

“Oh it’s the US sending them to Ukraine? You know, I hadn’t read that far, just skimmed the headline and thought it’s just plain wrong,” offered Orton, who promised to read up on Russia’s use of the banned weapons.

Humanitarian groups have roundly criticised America’s supplying of that weapons which in addition to bolstering Orton’s argument has also bolstered his smug expression.

“Yes, I had previously called Amnesty International a corrupt and woke hate group but on this occasion they agree with me so now they are a respected institution that must be listened to,” added Orton, who was unaware that the ‘how many nuclear power plants in Ukraine have Russia threatened to bomb today?’ count was at ‘three’.

Elsewhere, the Biden administration has confirmed cluster bombs are actually called ‘Freedom Flowers’ now if that helps anyone bury their objections were their conscience doesn’t shine.

“We won’t rule sending more cluster munitions to Ukraine if doing so proves successful in getting you guys to stop talking about how the president refuses to acknowledge the existence of his son’s estranged daughter,” confirmed a White House press spokesperson.