Friend Utters First Non Insult Based Form Of Communication In Over A Decade


LOCAL MAN Eunan Keele is celebrating a recent breakthrough in his longstanding friendship with Eoin Gertan after Gertan spoke to him without insulting him in any way.

Eviscerating insults which prayed on Keele’s deep insecurities, physical appearance and previous embarrassing behaviour while drunk had been Gertan’s way of showing affection for his friend since they first met over a decade ago but a recent conversation outside a Spar broke that reliable pattern.

“He didn’t call me the Crown Prince Of Disappointment, Rimmington Steele or say ‘well if it isn’t my little Hobbit friend Gobblety Cock’ or ‘if there was any more semen in you you’d be designated a sperm bank’,” said Keele beaming ear to ear over the quick catch up.

Keele isn’t the only one celebrating the breakthrough as leading biologists and sociologists believe this could be a turning point for heterosexual male friendship.

“You can see why it’s so easy to go to insults when you look at this Keele fellow, he looks like what you’d get if crossed a pug with even more inbreeding or some such rudimentary insult,” explained sociologist Dr Peter Crane.

“That Mr Gertan simply spoke to his friend on a human level, and dispensed with the insults which only served as a barrier to exposing his true, real self could represent the advance we were looking for”.

UPDATE: Gertan has texted Keele stating ‘forgot to call you a geebag, ya geebag’ and was so troubled by forgetting to slag his friend to his face that he’s booked an appointment with a doctor.