WELCOME to Money Diaries, a totally original series on WWN that looks at what people in Ireland really do with their hard-earned cash.

This week we chat to a Dublin based television and radio presenter about how he handles his finances and what he spends his money on over the course of one week.

Occupation: Broadcaster
Age: 50
Location: South County Dublin
Salary: €400k-ish

Monthly expenses

Mortgage: No idea.
Household bills: Never look at them
Groceries: I don’t eat.
Transport: The company I work for pays for my taxis to work.

Monday

6am: I wake up and unhook my ankles from their pull-up bar holders as I sleep upside down before then going for a 40-minute walk along Dun Laoghaire pier where I get verbally abused by locals.

7am: I have a nice warm cup of lemon water for breakfast before finding a large wad of cash down the side of the couch which I don’t bother counting.

9am: A taxi I don’t pay for drops me to work. Agent calls me on my Nokia 3210 to say new contract sorted. Will get around to checking how much I’m earning at some stage but not really motivated by money despite the whole country showing interest in my salary for the past 14 years.

12pm: Agent says I’ve to make an appearance at some car dealership in Cork later and I don’t ask why or how much I’m getting paid for it. Don’t care.

6pm: Order eerily accurate life-sized silicone doll of JFK online. God knows what it cost, but boy he sure looks great, folks.

7pm: I take in several deep breaths for dinner before retiring to my pull-up bar for some well-deserved rest.

Tuesday

3am: I’m awoken by myself screaming in terror after I had a nightmare about opening a payslip. Strange I never get to the net amount part in this reoccurring dream.

4am: I watch some old clips of me interviewing guests to put myself back to sleep.

11am: Just a normal day in work as I walk around the studio where I get verbally abused by lower paid staff members. Starting to think people have an issue with me over something.

2pm: I meet my boss for a sparkling water lunch where she introduces me to a media agency manager who slips me a large envelope full of, I don’t know what. It says kick back on the front so I’m assuming it’s new shoes, which is a lovely gesture, folks.

4pm: I stop into the hospital for my weekly intravenous drip to nourish myself. Yum – I’m stuffed.

8pm: I play the Zapruder film on loop before crying myself to sleep.

Wednesday

9pm: I find out my boss is suspended and never bothered to ask why. None of my business to be honest and besides no one talks to me here anyway.

11am: Pretty much a normal day but staff now moving on from verbal to physical abuse and are now spitting on me as I pass. Probably just jealous. Lolz.

3pm: Thought I lost my wallet but then realised I don’t have one. What am I like?

6pm: Agent texts me to deny everything and to delete all messages and emails. Sounds like someone’s in trouble. There’s always drama in this place.

8pm: Arrive home to find JFK doll in post and hang him upside down beside me on the pull-up bar. We’re like vampire twins now just hanging out together. Class.

Thursday

6am: Woken by Nokia 3210 ringtone. Looks like people from work but I can’t ever figure out how these smart phones work so don’t really pay much attention. Like, fax me if you really want me to read messages, gees.

8am: Company security team escorts me into work as staff getting more and more violent now. Even when I asked one of them to get me a coffee they wouldn’t. Strange morning. These people need to get out more.

9am: Excellent! Find out in the papers I have a day off. Might treat myself to a cordial for lunch and go for a stroll on the pier.

12pm: Yeah, bad idea, that stroll. People are so hostile lately and need to get a grip.

2pm: I approve a press statement from agent. No idea what it’s about but I trust he’ll take care of it, whatever it is.

Friday

8am: Awoken by brick through front window. Great to see construction booming again.

9am: Wahoo! Another day off work. This week starting to look a lot better now. TGIF!

11am: Right, apparently, I’ve all next week off too AND I get paid for it. Not only that so does my stand in. Things must be going good in work. About time as I heard they had a lot of financial difficulties in the past. It’s great to see everything getting back to normal again.

5pm: Bring JFK for a little spin up Kiliney Hill on the Vespa.