“Oh Don’t Worry, We’ll Do Whatever The EU & Nato Tell Us To Do” Government Reasures Nation On Neutrality

PUTTING fears to bed around speculation that the government may be shifting its stance on neutrality by holding a Consultative Forum on International Security Policy this week, the government has reassured the Irish public not to panic, WWN reports.

“Oh don’t worry your little heads about this at all, we’ll do whatever the EU & NATO tell us to do, so you know you’re in good hands,” Táiniste and Minister for Foreign Affairs Micheál Martin guaranteed, “we’re just going to chat with all these pro-NATO people and listen to everything they’ve got to say while barely being interrupted by a handful of opposing viewpoints before we make any decision on conscripting an entire nation against its will”.

Citing the war in Ukraine like it was the first ever war to take place in the history of humanity, the pro-NATO strong ‘forum’ is expected to bring the question of Ireland’s security policy to the fore, presumably eyeing the emerald isle as a perfect base to hold whatever military hardware and personnel in the event of an all-out war with Russia, and maybe China for the craic.

“The closest landmass to the US on the very edge of Europe with vast unpopulated areas to harbour missiles silos; of course Ireland will be welcomed into NATO,” one source explained, “you guys have already let our foot in the door with Shannon, so why not open it altogether – what could possibly go wrong, apart from being a military target and nuked off the face of the earth?”

Meanwhile, the Taoiseach, Táiniste and fellow pro-NATO politicians are expected to spend most of the forum discussing future luctraive positions within NATO and the EU, all going well that is.