Friend Saying “Oh, You’ll Looooove Roisin” Clearest Indication You’ll Have No Time For This Bitch

THE LATEST research coming out of Trinity College Dublin suggests that telling someone they would get on really well with a friend invokes a preservation instinct in humans which forces them reject such a notion with every fibre of their bodies.

“No, she’s said it now. It’s in my head. Guaranteed she’ll do my head in,” is the most common internal monologue uttered in response to a friend saying you’ll love Roisin, who is by all accounts ‘a gas bitch’.

A friend stating that you will ‘love’ their other friend ranks alongside recommending TV shows to watch, attempting to set up blind dates and saying ‘borrow my dress, it’ll suit you’ as the most inaccurate and unhelpful statements a friend can utter.

“Roisin may be very lovely but that diagnosis must be delivered naturally by an individual and not preordained by a mutual friend,” confirmed a professor in human behaviour Dr Sally Sheehan.

“The part of the brain that governs pre-judgement is activated and try as one might they immediately gain a deep dislike of Roisin, citing such characteristics as ‘I dunno, I just think she has a bit of a face'”.

Being placed in the position of forced chemistry and friendship by a friend can also cause significant strain on a person.

“Muscle fatigue from fake smiling alone can take years off your life,” confirmed Dr Sheehan.