We Light A Candle For The Waterford Man About To Ask His Wife If He Can Go For Pints With The Lads


IN NEED of all and any cosmic intervention which benefits him, local man Richie Cattigan is seeking permission from his wife to head out for pints with the lads, a near impossible task considering he fell in the door at 2am not 2 weeks ago.

“I’ll take whatever positive vibes are coming my way,” shared Cattigan, appealing to people to offer up whatever they have to whatever Gods they may believe in and to pray for him as he bids for unlikely pints with Scraggs, Penis Bob and Dave the Rave.

As WWN presented itself at the local church, candles were scarce as it was clear Cattigan’s cause had spread far and wide with many donating their prayers to the poor pathetic soul.

Cattigan, laying the groundwork for his initial request, has got the kids McDonalds for dinner, ran the legs off them so they’re nice and tired and has them showered and in the pyjamas ready for bed significantly improving his chances of hearing an ‘ah go on but don’t go mad’ from his wife Jennifer.

“I could lie and say Dave the Rave won’t be there, but I’ll trip myself up with a lie and that’s curtains for a rake of pints in The Mangled Head down the road,” admitted Cattigan, taking deep breaths before heading into the sitting room to float the idea to Jennifer.

“And, sure didn’t you say there was talent show thing you wanted to watch, and sure I’d only be making smart Alec comments which you hate. If anything, I’d be doing you a favour,” Cattigan said.

Becoming flustered by the silence and beginning to panic, Cattigan began making a series of concessions to Jennifer, a seasoned negotiator.

“I’ll take the kids to the swimming tomorrow and I’ll bring them out to my folks in the afternoon, so you’d have the day to yourself,” said Cattigan giving away too much in exchange for permission to have what is a 6-pints max night out anyway.