“I Believe In Miracles. Where You From, You Sexy Thing?”

IN our latest entry of the WWN Opinion series, we give a platform to people we really shouldn’t. This week is the turn of Jesus Christ, part-time magician, full-time son of God.

“I believe in miracles. Where you from, you sexy things? It doesn’t seem trendy anymore to believe in miracles, does it? But it’s nice to know there are people like you and me still out there.

The water into wine stuff doesn’t really grab anyone’s attention these days, that’s thanks to David Blaine. But I’m not doing any extreme life-risking stunts just to get attention anymore, learned that one the hard way.

I’m glad there’s still people out there who accept miracles in all shapes and sizes. Not just the big ones that get Blaine all the headlines. It’s good to meet like-minded individuals, we should hang out.

Where did you come from? I already know this so it’s a bit facetious of me to ask, Dad’s the beginning of everything, and he’s sometimes me, which is hard to grasp but that’s why I know we’ll get along because you get it.

Derren Brown, don’t get the fuss. No, Keith who? Never heard of him.

Do you think celebrities would line up to see me do tricks if I came back? Like they do with Blaine. Practically falling over themselves they are. Fawning at him, their minds blown.

Sorry I don’t mean to go on about David Blaine, I honestly I had every intention of engaging with you, going through noted miracles on a miracle by miracle basis. You know, meet up once a week in a group and chat about them, but this shyster just gets to me.

Like, I mean he hasn’t even cured the sick and there’s not a prick on this planet that doesn’t know his name. And don’t think I haven’t noticed how his Youtube compilations have more views than my stuff.”