Local Man Still Calling It ‘A Lick Out’

CAUSING those within a 10 mile radius to recoil in horror and vow to never engage in any sexual activity for the rest of their lives, local man Cormac Realton has once again referred to it as a ‘lick out’.

Casually discussing a recent one night stand he had with a co-worker with friends while in the pub, Realton had a variety of suitably evocative nomenclature to describe the act of cunnilingus but as always fell back on a phrase widely in use when he was 14.

Long considered to be the ickiest phrase to ever ick, ‘lick out’ as a go-to phrase has long been abandoned by everyone who believes that in order for society to function some things remain best left unsaid. A sentiment not shared by Realton judging by the fact he has used the phrase 18 times in the last hour.

With the skin-crawling phrase reverberating around the four walls of the pub, several people at a nearby table spontaneously vomited before asking Realton what was wrong with him.

“I hear in America they call it ‘head’ even when it’s the woman who is getting pleasured. They might not know anything about preventing mass shootings but I’d go with the Yanks on this,” confirmed 76-year-old publican Martin Mulligan, who now has no choice but to bar Realton.

“‘Going down on’, ‘oral’, ‘it’s her birthday’, there’s endless other ways of describing it Cormac, Christ almighty man,” added friends of the 31-year-old who somehow remained dumbfounded at the news that much like small pox and polio, ‘lick out’ was no longer in circulation.