“Hitting A Ball With A Stick Every Day Is Just A Bit Ridiculous” McIlroy Reveals Reason For Latest No Show


“I MEAN seriously, did you ever stop to think and ponder it?” said a wide-eyed Rory McIlroy, speaking for the first time about his post-Masters break from golf.

Initially chalked down as a way to get over the mentally and emotionally draining disappointment that comes with another unsuccessful tilt at a green jacket, McIlroy stunned golf journalists with his new outlook on life which questioned the existence of the sport itself.

“Think about, it’s just… ridiculous. I’m Mr Big Stick Man who can hit a small white ball a few hundred yards up the field and then thousands of people clap. Not only do they clap they pay top dollar for the privilege. Guys, this is freaking my melon out, I can’t be the only one?” added McIlroy suddenly unable to treat his profession and the sport at large with any seriousness.

McIlroy admitted this time off has been beneficial and that sometimes it’s just great to get away from the stress of the day job and relax by heading into an office for a quick 9-to-5.

“We put sand, fucking sand, in the middle of fields! What’s that all about? Don’t look at me like that, you know it’s nuts. Every time I go to work I’m stalked and followed by middle aged men in khaki pants for 18 holes, it’s not normal” continued McIlroy, pointing out the absurdity of companies paying him money so they can put a sticker on his bag.