Michelle O’Neill Just Going To Coronation To See What The Spread Is Like


SEEKING to temper nationalist dissent at the news she will attend King Charles’ coronation as First Minister-designate, Michelle O’Neill has insisted that like any discerning and nosy Irish person she’s just looking to have a gawk at what kind of spread the English are putting on and maybe sizing up some curtains.

“What can I say, I’m nosy. Anyway I’m taking orders now so if any of you want sandwiches let me know,” O’Neill told Sinn Féin voters, ruling out hot food items such as chicken wings, vol au vents or wedges for transporting back.

“Imagine the size of the Burco boiler they’ll have for the tea, reckon it’d be at least 50 litres bigger than the one at the Queen’s funeral”.

The intense preparation for the coronation has already begun with O’Neill’s bag being checked by MI5 40 times today and the building a dedicated second separate entrance for nationalists which just so happens to contain a dozen metal detectors.

“Do you think they’ll have cucumber sandwiches? I’ve never seen one before, what are the like the English. Coronations just like their funerals, taking place ages after the fact” added O’Neill, who was asked to refrain from taking a coronation selfie with any royals as it might kill Jeffrey Donaldson.

O’Neill has received praise in some quarters for attending as a representative of all communities in Northern Ireland.

“Aye, dead on Michelle. Right thing to do,” said one nationalist, growing redder by the second from trying to contain his bubbling rage.

“Credit to her, showing real leadership. Heard some people saying she should drop the ‘O’ in her name now she’s taken the soup but that’s awful harsh, och no she’s right to go,” he added, tensing his jaw as his gritted teeth wore away to nothing.