Pros & Cons Of Biden Running For President Again


HAVING announced his intention to run for a second term as US president at the age of 80, Joe Biden’s 2024 run has been the source of much debate.

WWN has weighed up the pros and cons and presented them below:

Pro: Only remaining person alive who was there when the US constitution was written.

Con: Unclear what total cost of breaking down and transporting White House to nursing home before rebuilding it there would be.

Pro: Is a stabilising force who can continue to re-imbue American public life with decency and civility.

Con: But that’s very boring.

Pro: It’s about time we had a sequel to Weekend At Bernie’s.

Con: The second storming of the Capitol building to try and overturn his reelection victory just won’t have that same joie de vivre.


Con: Not as popular as the AOC/Lizzo presidential ticket.

Pro: The grass isn’t always greener, but it’s definitely got more a fascist Germany vibe to it, so better the devil and all that.

A con: No, that’s Donald Trump you’re thinking of.

Pro: Chances of a statue of Rob Kearney defeating the Black and Tans being displayed on the White House lawn will greatly increase.

Con: You might have to learn how to pronounce Kamala Harris’ first name correctly again.

Pro: Is singlehandedly keeping the armchair dementia expert industry on Twitter going.

Con: Trump will be in so much trouble with Putin if he fails to win again.

Pro: Biden represents the passing of the torch from the old guard in the Democrats (Diane Feinstein, 89) to a younger generation (Joe Biden, 80).

Con: One t-shirt vendor will go bankrupt from failure to shift his 400,000 ‘Bye-den’ t-shirts.

Pro: Can run on his record of passing bills to improve the nation’s infrastructure, reduce prescription drug costs and climate change, boost semiconductor manufacturing, and promote gun safety while also standing up to Putin.

Con: Short attention span of most Americans means they stopped reading after the word ‘can’ appeared in previous sentence.

Pro: Word ‘malarky’ will remain in circulation.

Con: Watching a presidential candidate literally die during a live TV debate will scar millions of people for life.