Okay, Let’s Settle This Once & For All: Sinn Féin & Jonathan Dowdall

PLAGUED for clarifications on what they knew about convicted torturer, alleged IRA member and Pinocchio tribute act Jonathan Dowdall and when, Sinn Féin have explained themselves over and over again and not always in convincing fashion.

In a bid to provide a clear timeline of events surrounding Sinn Féin’s then director elections Brian Keane’s alleged confrontation of Dowdall, prior to being put forward as an election candidate by the party, about allegations he shot up his own uncle’s house, WWN has produced what it believes is the clearest and most definitive account:

– Jonathan Dowdall confirmed Sinn Féin secretly bulldozed 150,000 homes, creating the housing crisis.

– Dowdall is godfather to all Sinn Féin TDs’ children.

– Dowdall fingered Sinn Féin as the party who made then FF TD Niall Collins vote in favour of selling council land his wife would go onto to purchase when he was a councillor.

– According to the Dublin man, Sinn Féin signed off on senior civil servant Robert Watt’s €81k pay increase bringing his salary to €292k.

– While we can prove Dowdall donated €1,000 directly to Mary Lou McDonald, something she once denied, we cannot sadly prove Dowdall is her secret love child with Gerry Adams’s balaclava.

– A daring raid saw Sinn Féin ripping €1bn euro from the Dept of Housing’s ATM with a JCB, which explains why the €1bn went unspent by the Minister for Housing.

– Despite not being in government or in charge of the Department of Education, Dowdall confirmed it was Sinn Féin’s idea to limit a ‘scoping inquiry’ into historical child abuse in Irish schools so that it excludes Church of Ireland schools.

– Dowdall was central to Sinn Féin’s decision to make the coalition set up a redress scheme for Mother & Baby Home survivors which excluded 40% of survivors.

– According to media reports Dowdall says it was Sinn Féin who prematurely cancelled your favourite Netflix show.