Sudan Situation Now So Bad You’re Actually Considering Reading Article About It


VIOLENT clashes between the Sudanese army and a rival paramilitary faction have claimed over 200 lives in recent days, with the EU ambassador to the country attacked in his home, meaning you are seriously considering entertaining the idea of reading an article about whatever a Sudan is.

Were you to click on a link detailing the distressing escalation in fighting and violence, you could be on the cusp on realising for the first time in your life that it’s a ‘sedan’ car and ‘Sudan’ the Northeastern African country, although news of a ceasefire makes this less likely.

While you have wrongly placed Sudan much lower on the east coast of the vast continent roughly where Somalia is, you have been so greatly anguished by the thought of the outbreak of sustained violence and its effect on the civilian population you have pledged to catch up on the unfolding news at some point, like if you were in a taxi and the driver had the radio on.

Never have you been closer to understanding and quickly forgetting terms like ‘Khartoum’, ‘Rapid Support Forces’,’2019 coup’ and ‘1956 termination of Anglo-Egyptian Sudan rule’.

“Can’t make any promises but does sound super serious, may get distracted by a TikTok about ’80s pop stars you didn’t know had beef’,” you said in an exclusive statement to your coworker who seemed genuinely upset at the news that millions of people are trapped in their homes as the country’s two top generals, Abdel-Fattah Burhan and Mohammed Hamdan Dagalo, pit their forces against one another.

However, you have concluded that the real tragedy is the fact you missed your window of opportunity a few weeks ago to post on social media about how the world is ignoring Sudan which would have allowed you to feel superior to those around you.