Land Development Agency Set Ambitious Target Of Getting Up Off Their Holes By 2030

IN A SUDDEN and dramatic surge in the breadth of its ambition the Land Development Agency has declared its intention to maybe, possibly deliver 5,000 homes in the next 5-to-10 years depending on how arsed they are.

The LDA, a body set up by Fine Gael to hand over State owned land to developers who are then free to build houses they will sell back to local councils at inflated prices, gave fresh hope to those suffering as a result of the housing crisis.

“Aaaaw,” yawned the LDA, waking from an office nap before tightly hugging a motivational poster featuring Leo Varadkar with the words ‘the housing crisis can’t be solved overnight’ written on it, ready to attack the day with the sort of ferocious energy only a semi-State body with incredibly underwhelming targets can.

Clocking in at 11am today before taking a long lunch and knocking off at 4pm because they’ve a dental appointment, the LDA have urged critics to ‘relax’ confirming that ‘fingers would be removed from holes’ some time around 2029 which should leave enough time to build a gaff or two.

“We’d understand all the frustration if there was a serious need for housing but in Ireland… sorry there’s a housing what? Crisis? Oh well why didn’t someone tell us?” confirmed the LDA.

Asked what was taking so long to deliver houses on State owned lands, the agency committed to getting a report on the matter to us by 2050 at the latest.