Free School Books Somewhat Make Up For Fact Kid Going To Be Homeless Next Week


TRYING to maintain an optimistic outlook and not give into the prevailing trend of begrudgery and infantile moaning that is so pervasive in Ireland currently, 8-year-old Seamus Borgan is choosing to see the silver linings this morning.

“Yes, I overheard mammy crying on the phone about getting kicked out of the house, but at least I’ll have free books,” reasoned Seamus, who admitted he found his mother’s self-indulgent self-pity a bit much.

“I think mammy needs to look at how she got herself in this situation really, rather than contacting local TDs begging them not to vote for the lifting of the eviction ban – that was a stupid waste of time, wasn’t it?” added Seamus.

While noting the lunch portions he’s received have shrunk in recent weeks all in the name of his mother gathering enough money to pay the first two months rent upfront for the non-existent rentals in the local area, Seamus is loath to deny the government credit where credit is due.

“How hard is it for some people to acknowledge progress being made, sure I’ll have to pay for my own copy book for next year’s ‘what I did this summer’ essay which will mainly be about hostels being full and sleeping on a stranger’s coach, but Busy At Maths is on the house! Excuse the pun,” continued Seamus.

“Could I blame the government for the fact I’ll be on the streets soon? Yes but that would be easy. I think it’s more appropriate to use this traumatic experience to foster this growing sense that I’m worthless and just embrace the dread and anxiety that will stay with me for the rest of my life,” concluded Seamus.