DUP Diagnosed With Yesophobia


THERE has been an outpouring of sympathy directed towards members of the DUP after the party became the first entity to receive a collective diagnosis which confirms they suffer from a debilitating and life-changing condition.

Yesophobia, a paralysing phobia of the word ‘yes’ affects 1 in 500 million people but remarkably affects 100% of people who join the DUP.

“While it’s not life-threatening it isn’t treatable and regretfully you will remain uniquely irritating to everyone you encounter,” Dr John Shields told Jeffrey Donaldson and his colleagues, who were referred to him after they confirmed they would be voting against the Windsor Framework in Westminster.

Yesophobia is a very misunderstood condition Dr. Shields told WWN. Many people, unaware a person suffers from yesophobia, will label an individual ‘an obstinate, joyless prick who gets off on ruining things for everyone’ among other ignorant insults.

Sadly, in the DUP’s case it has affected every aspect of their lives including their ability to work and even socialise with others.

“I feel awful now for the things I’ve said about them, I had no idea the struggles and challenges they faced,” confirmed one Sinn Féin spokesperson, filled with guilt.

“Well, I don’t care I’m still calling them cunts,” countered a fed up member of the public.