Mexican Cartel Promises To Only Torture & Dismember Its Own Innocent Civilians

APOLOGISING profusely to the United States for murdering two American tourists before turning in their own men and promising to only torture and dismember their own innocent civilians from now on, a splinter Mexican cartel said they are really sorry.

“This is so embarrassing and we can’t apologise enough for this unprofessionalism,” a spokeskiller for the Scorpions Group stated, “this was an internal failing on our part and for that we are truly sorry.

“Not to make any excuses here but when you’re responsible for killing tens of thousands every year it can sometimes be hard to differentiate between nationalities – all we can do is promise to check passports next time before murdering any more innocent people”.

The apology to the US was welcomed with no further action expected.

“As long as the ruthless drugs cartel are sorry for what they did and continue to supply our country with narcotics then we’re happy to leave it at that,” a White House official responded, “we know more than anyone how difficult it is when trying to kill the right innocent people so please let us accept your apology and move on – these things happen”.