“Sorry I Meant ‘Sectarian Backwater'” Sunak Corrects

RISHI SUNAK is facing serious backlash for proclaiming the World’s Most Exciting Economic Zone (formerly Northern Ireland) is unique within the context of the UK as it has the amazing economic opportunity provided by frictionless trade with the EU’s 500 million people, something Sunak said was the stuff of nightmares when campaigning for Brexit.

“The World’s Most Exciting Economic Zone SAYS NO” confirmed an angry DUP in the wake of the unveiling of the Windsor Framework, a framework which has also seen Brexit supporting Tories grumble, prompting the British PM to clarify earlier comments.

“Did I say ‘World’s Most Exciting Economic Zone’, I meant ‘Sectarian Backwater’. Don’t go ‘Stormont braking’ my balls over a slip of the tongue. If I said ‘great opportunities’ I meant ‘weighed down by pesky EU laws’ and when I said ‘a chance to become a regional powerhouse’ I meant ‘they’ll have tomatoes on their shelves which sounds horrific’,” said Sunak, visibly scrambling.

Sunak went on to regale Tory colleagues with tales of his recent visit to WMEEZ, detailing impossible to understand accents, children made entirely of petrol bombs and desperate young people begging to have their Interrail and Erasmus opportunities taken from them.

“Eh, oh, em, trading with both the UK and the EU, sounds awful actually. Oh cripes, can’t we all just go back to pretending the World’s Most Exciting Economic Zone, I mean Northern Ireland doesn’t exist?” added Sunak, who had just hours ago been riding high on the fact the Tories had gotten ‘Brexit done’ yet again, for the 748th time in the last 6 years.