New Record: Coalition Made It To Wednesday Before Minister Embroiled In Resigning Scandal


THE COALITION is celebrating its finest achievement since entering office in 2020; making it to Wednesday before a minister is desperately fighting to keep their job.

Fianna Fáil’s Niall Collins, who stands accused along with his wife of using different names on applications for the purposes of securing planning permission for a house, has pledged to issue a statement in the Dáil which he will subsequently have to correct, clarify, amend and admit was not entirely accurate.

“It takes real political skill to make it to Wednesday before a full-scale fuck up, we’re looking at a future leader here,” said one insider.

“I’m just embarrassed because I’ve known the man and his wife for years and I had no idea that he identified as Niall/Neil O’Connor sometimes and she goes by the pronouns Emer/Eimear/eimer when applying for planning permission,” shared a party colleague.

“This is a disgrce – a Fianna Fáil man who replaced his tax-evading uncle as a TD of this impropriety is outrageous. IN my day we’d be accused of far worse and the accusations would come in a brown envelope,” said Bertie Ahern.

TDs across the Dáil have been forced to pay out money to Taoiseach Leo Varadkar who was the only person to pick ‘Wednesday’ in the weekly Dáil pools which bets on what day of the week a government TD is reluctantly forced to answer questions relating to matters which could result in a sacking.

“Sure, we only made it to 9.01am on Monday before Eamon Ryan suggested giving bees social housing but we’ll take the small victories,” confirmed the Taoiseach.