Ohio Residents Fly Giant Balloon Over Toxic Chemical Spill To Get Media’s Attention

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HOPING to garner the sort of 24-hour, round-the-clock national media coverage and interest from US Congress, residents of East Palestine Ohio and its surrounding areas have launched their own large white balloon in a bid to capture America’s imagination and attention.

“Holy shit, a flying object of an unknown source,” said the nation’s media rushing to Ohio in a 12 mile long convoy, much to the relief of residents seeking more attention for a disastrous chemical spill which has caused evacuations, contaminated water, killed animals and caused a number of children to develop breathing problems.

The chemical spill was the result of an unmarked Norfolk Southern train carrying hazardous materials, the crash was labeled as ‘no biggy’ by Norfolk Southern who had ignored workers concerns in the days leading up to the crash.

“We appreciate Alf and ET flying over us sounds fun but vinyl chloride is not only flammable, it’s also a brain, lung, blood, and liver carcinogen and a journalist was arrested at a news conference when asking questions about the crash which is more spooky than a UFO if you ask us,” said Ohio residents.

“We’ve had next to know federal help and Norfolk Southern are already busy trying to cover this up, so we had no choice but to fly one those balloons you can’t get enough of,” explained one resident, who was happy to say the balloon was manned by Xi Jinping and Baby Yoda if that helped.

Despite the presence of a balloon it’s unclear if US domestic security agencies are interested in investigating corporate malfeasance and mass poisoning of the public.

“Get back to us if the hazardous materials develop a Chinese accent,” confirmed the FBI.

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