So You’ve Found Your Girlfriend’s Vibrator, Here’s What To Do Next

YOU’VE just found your girlfriend’s vibrator. After fainting and falling unconscious next to her bedside locker you will start to wonder what this means for you and what’s next once you regain your composure.

Check the UN charter on human rights. Has she violated yours by seeking pleasure elsewhere?

You’re fairly confident you know the answer but just double check: Google – ‘could a vibrator be my children’s real father?’

Double check the T&Cs in your relationship. Yes, you’re allowed pull the lad off yourself but where is it written that she can get a buzz from the buzz buzz?

Shun all urges to talk with her about it and incorporating it into your sex life together.

Treat a woman’s infrequent desire to seek pleasure with herself as the selfish rejection of you it almost certainly is.

Next time you have sex together, make a constant low level buzzing noise while weeping and saying ‘is this what you want?’

Write to all major battery manufacturers pleading with them to cease all production immediately.