Everything You Need To Know About The Davos Summit


THE DAVOS SUMMIT, hosted by the World Economic Forum is known for bringing together the world’s richest people and heads of State to discuss big ideas, innovation, the world’s economy and where humanity’s future lies.

But little is known about what is said and done behind closed doors. Here’s everything you need to know about Davos:

The World Economic Forum (WEF) was founded by Klaus Schwab in 1971. Schwab, a German engineer and economist, is most famous for coining the phrase ‘fall asleep sheeple’.

Attendees have pledged to end poverty among the world’s poorest billionaires.

All security guards have a picture of Vladimir Putin sellotaped up at the entrance with DO NOT ADMIT in marker underneath.

The tax evasion seminar clashes this year with baby eating tutorial.

Elon Musk wasn’t invited, which is hilarious.

In a bid to reduce the carbon footprint of the annual gathering some attendees briefly entertained the idea of carpooling together in just one private jet.

The world’s leading polluters will be in attendance presumably to strike a deal on the immediate end to fossil fuels?

Oxfam’s invite to this year’s gathering was ‘lost in the post’ after publishing report that claimed a tax of up to 5% on the world’s multimillionaires and billionaires could raise $1.7tn a year, enough to lift 2 billion people out of poverty and fund a plan to end hunger.

Gift bag includes year supply of adrenochrome.

Discussing the gloomy economic outlook for the world, leading CEOs and billionaires confirmed that they have not landed on the number of people who will have to lose their jobs and die this year to maintain profits.

Leaked menu from one Davos lunch lists ‘boiled orphan’ and ‘pleb pâté’ among items served.

Doctor Who has been called after Davros showed up by mistake.

Ireland’s leader Leo Varadkar will be forced to crawl through tiny entrance door marked ‘multinational minion’.

Davos will be relocated from Switzerland to France next year, for a change scenery.

One talk attended by billionaires focused on ‘@NewWorldOrderTruther69’ who attendees said is dangerously close to bringing the whole system down with his series of YouTube videos.

According to a number of news outlets, the demand for sex workers has soared in Davos revealing a huge shift away from old practices which relied on Jeffrey Epstein just flying them in for everyone himself.

Terrorists have again come under severe criticism for their lack of imagination and project management failures when it comes to the summit, which is listed as a ‘golden opportunity’.