Dad Sends Fourth WhatsApp Explicitly Stating Not To Get Him Bono’s Book


DOING everything he can to ensure his Christmas wishes are respected and that there is zero chance the big day is ruined by the appearance of an unwanted present, local father Eamon Coyne has taken to WhatsApp with specific gift instructions for a fourth time in as many days.

“Just reminding everyone I do not want Bono’s book. You may think I’m exaggerating but I’d take exploding genital warts over the book,” text Coyne into the family WhatsApp group.

Having heard horror stories of fathers with birthdays around the Christmas period receiving the U2 frontman’s memoir from family members who were short on inspiration, Coyne decided to proactively avert disaster.

“One fella I know, his family sold his car on him to fund buying him 400 copies of it. It’s terrifying that the people who susposedly know you the best would buy you Bono’s book when you’ve never failed in over 30 years to mutter ‘gobshite’ under your breath every time he’s appeared on TV,” a worried Coybe said.

Ramping up his efforts Coyne has enlisted his wife Elaine to send separate but identical texts to their three children and his siblings and brothers-in-law, stressing the fact if received the book will immediately and angrily be thrown in the bin.

“If you got your shopping done early and have bought it already though, return it. Don’t have the receipt? Feck it, I’ll pay you the price of the thing not to give it to me,” added Coyne on WhatsApp.