Rapid Build Homes Will Come With Pre-Installed Mica-Like Scandal, Taoiseach Confirms


CONFIRMING for the 852nd consecutive day since he took over the office of Taoiseach that he has a new solution to the housing supply issue that will definitely solve it this time, Micheál Martin is today touting rapid build homes.

Despite being something mentioned by a Fine Gael government years ago and never acted upon, the Fianna Fáil leader has said this time it’s different while addressing some concerns from the doubters.

“This won’t be a Celtic Tiger era disaster where some mineral or chemical fault reveals itself a decade or so later, rendering the house a health hazard and worthless, no, these modular homes will come pre-installed with tatty workmanship and cheap decaying fittings,” explained the Taoiseach.

“And these modular homes will really happen,” Martin said to loud laughter. “No, it’s not like our retrofitting target where only 89 houses out of a target of 65,000 availed of the scheme or our social housing building targets which were a bigger failure than Madonna’s acting career,” he added, displaying greater knowledge of pop star led movies than housing.

To ensure the scandal is a shock to no one the State bodies responsible for checking building materials and standards have already confirmed they won’t be doing any of that so a repeat of the Mica issue, but fast-tracked, is guaranteed.

“We want to minimise the surprises around here so the public must have full confidence in Ireland’s inability to deliver housing,” added a spokesperson for the Office of the Taoiseach, “but part of the fun is not knowing what will annoy you the most – handout subsidies to developers, tax breaks, granting permission for them in the middle of nowhere, or bending over backwards to make sure prices steadily rise”.