Stupid Parents Want You To Come Over To Stupid House For Stupid Dinner Because They Love You


LOCAL MAN Eamon Kilty’s patience is well and truly worn thinner than supermarket own brand loo roll as he is forced yet again to field a request from his parents to partake in a family meal at home.

“Absolute ball ache,” confirmed Kilty as he faced the prospect of being loved to such an extent by his parents that they frequently desire to see him in person, accompanied by a free meal.

“Hounding me so they are, it’s like this 24/7. I can’t do anything with them on me. Like last month, I got a new job and they were all ‘congrats, let’s take you out to celebrate’, sent me Champagne and flowers and shit, they’re just the worst,” explained Kilty, who can’t catch a break from this parental pestilence.

Kilty, who last accepted such an invite three months ago and only because he was too hungover to be arsed cooking for himself, continued to be hounded by his parents with his mother placing needy demands on him in a WhatsApp message.

“Would love to have you over Thursday evening if free, curry night ❤️” read the message, posing a huge inconvenience to Kilty who planned on flicking through Netflix for hours before deciding not watch anything that evening.

“They do it to my sister too, it’s not normal at all. ‘Come over any time, we love you’ they sound so deranged, I’m embarrassed for them carrying on like that. And then it’s one big guilt trip, like I don’t have anything better to do with my time,” offered Kilty as he spent the evening picking his nose and arranging his snots into one ball of mega snot to rule over all other snots.