“What’s The Worst That Could Happen?” Asks Central Bank Doing Thing That Will Make The Worst Happen


DAMPENING concerns about the easing of mortgage lending limits, the Central Bank has sincerely asked what’s the worst that could happen in a throwaway comment which suggests it is a prerequisite to have your memory of the last crash erased as part of working at the institution.

“Honestly, what’s the worst that could happen?” asked Central Bank Governor Gabriel Makhlouf, while unveiling the sort of measure that will see house prices further increase while allowing people to accrue more debt which will overwhelm them in the event of further interest rate rises and an all-but-guaranteed recession.

“What are the chances that this institution could be asleep at wheel driving head on into a mortgage debt crisis a second time? Completely catatonic like a narcoleptic on sleeping tablets after being shot by a machine gun loaded with elephant tranquilisers, I mean, seriously what are the chances?”

Mistaking the tentative reaction of many members of the public suggests the Central Bank hadn’t eased the rules enough it promised to look into 100% mortgages next week and the term ‘negative equity’.

“How could prices rise at all when the government has also just placed a levy on concrete while the price of building materials continues to rise, coupled with demand continuing to outstrip supply? Talk about being a sour bunch of doom mongers,” added one Central Bank official, spraying painting a newly installed statue of a fearsome tiger emerald green.