Man Has Never Played Sport But Boy Has He Opinions On It

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FOR someone who displays an in-depth knowledge of the history of sport as well as what seems to be a keen eye for managerial tactics, you’d think that Waterford man Mark Smyth would have dipped his toe into the sporting world at some stage in his life; instead, the 46 year prefers to air his opinions ‘where they matter most’.

“Yeah I save my wisdom for when I’m in the pub with the lads, or when I’m on the sideline watching one of my kids playing, there’s some lazy little fuckers on that time that just don’t have the motivation and boy do I let them know about it,” said Smyth, owner of an athlete’s mind but not body.

“Can you believe there’s some 8-year-olds who don’t know the meaning of ‘adopt a harder back line and sweep out the wings with short-ball play?’. Fucking chancers, letting us all down. I tell the lads down the boozer, between chats about how the standard of play in the lower half of the Bundesliga is a joke, and about how women’s GAA is alright to watch if there’s absolutely nothing else on telly”.

Amazingly, Smyth’s knowledge on sport has been accrued without ever so much as kicking a ball in his life, something that he puts down to years of being angry about everything related to the subject.

“I know everything except how to be happy when someone wins. It’s not in my DNA,” he admitted, while trying to suppress his delight at a good performance by his favourite team, just so he could point out their flaws in an exhausting hour-long rant.

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