IRELAND and the world’s favourite very progressive backward woman-judging competition Rose of Tralee is back with a bang!
Viewers will be glued to the screens to see which of the 33 Roses finishes top of the pile, but just what does the winning Rose get? WWN reveals all:
A tiara, of course.
The use of a car provided by [insert official car brand partner of the festival here] and €25,000 worth of travel.
A gold shawl knitted by Peig Sayers and if that isn’t enough Dáithí Ó Sé donates one of his fadas.
The winning Rose gets to be the face of Aisling copy books even if they’re name isn’t Aisling.
Unlimited coleslaw from participating deli counters. At last count Gala, Daybreak, Super Valu and Circle K have all signed up.
A selection of the nation’s grannies will place a portrait of the Rose beside their Sacred Heart and JFK portraits – this is the highest honour Ireland bestows on any individual.
A chance to record backing vocals for an artists of your choosing. Options include; Nathan Carter, Daniel O’Donnell, Clannad and Cardi B.
10% of all Rose escorts salaries for the next 10 years.
Much like Commissioner Gordon had a ‘Bat Phone’ with a direct line to Batman, the winning Rose gets a special Healy Rae phone; no matter the hour, no matter the weather if the Rose wants a local pothole filled in the Healy Raes will deliver.
The winning Rose is entitled to one call from the Pope a week but cannot ask what the third secret of Fatima is.
Very few people know this but the winning Rose is the person who gets to dye the Chicago River green for St Patrick’s Day. Force fed 12 tonnes of McDonald’s Shamrock Shakes, the Rose then vomits the contents into the river, giving it that distinctive green look.