Good News: ECB Interest Rate Should Halt Inflation, Trigger Recession

THE European Central Bank has intervened to raise interest rates to 0.5% in a bid to halt inflation which is at an average of 8.4% for Eurozone members.

“The good news is we hope to avert further inflation, bad news is this will likely trigger a recession… specifically in the ‘didn’t do anything to cause this’ lower end of the jobs market,” said president of ECB Christine Lagarde, making an exaggerated sad face while wiping away imaginary tears in a theatrical fashion.

Lagarde admitted she hopes the move, which will not be enough, will be enough to tame inflation so more interest hikes, which will happen, will not be needed.

“This is a harsh but necessary course correction that will lead to certain recession and major job losses among the likes of the little people like you. Me? Oh no, I’ll be fine,” confirmed one economist WWN spoke to, who may actually increase their income from media appearances during which they talk entirely abstract terms about people losing jobs.

There has considerable relief expressed by members of the public who have been struggling to afford increases in utility bills and food prices, who will soon get to enjoy stability in prices while being out of a job.

Announcing their own interventions Ireland’s Central Bank is to rerun the ‘I don’t know what a tracker mortgage is’ bank adverts and that’s about it.