Signs Your Child Is A Genius

MOST parents are proud of their children but modesty prevents them from celebrating their many achievements such as eating a tea coaster whole when left unwatched for .01 of a second.

However, it is high time parents stopped fretting about what other parents will think of you rightly declaring your child as a once in a millennia genius. WWN is here to help you bolster your case by identifying a simple checklist which will prove once and for all that your child is mega-minded marvel:

Did they begin walking at roughly the same time as all toddlers?

You’re shitting us? They did. Get CERN on the phone because we’ve got a baby bursting with so many brain tentacles that time-travel is getting invented before they start school.

Did they shit in their nappy mere seconds after you were done changing them after their last shit?

This sort of sadistic undignified power move is the sort of powerplay that is only present in psychopaths. And did you know many psychopaths go on to be CEOs of world leading companies?

Did they say Dada or Momma within the normal time frame of most toddlers?

Ryanair have a sale on, if you book now you’ll be able to make this year’s Nobel Prize ceremony.

Is your child always pointing at things and giving you a puzzled yet engaged look?

Ok, this is getting creepy now, could your child be Einstein reincarnated? The good news is they may be the only living human capable of proving if such a theory is correct.

When they vomit after a feed is their vomit in the exact shape as Picasso’s Guernica?

Wow that’s actually pretty basic, the true genius kids tend to vomit up Picasso’s earlier work before he embraced Cubism. Oh well, being the scientist who invents a cure for all known diseases isn’t all it’s cracked up to be anyway.