US Republicans Propose Arming Foetuses In The Womb

RESPONDING to the Democrat-controlled House of Representatives voting to raise the age for purchasing a semi-automatic weapon to 21, US Republicans countered by proposing a law which would arm all foetuses in the womb with an AR-15 instead.

“No one wants to do more to keep children safe than Republicans, just look at our record on semi-automatic doors. But what is more frightening and a bigger threat to children than a school shooter? That’s right, pregnant Democrat voting women which is why we have put forward this proposal,” confirmed Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell.

Under the new proposals the NRA has agreed to supply all foetuses, free of charge, with AR-15s in a bid to protect the precious lives of children.

“If they’ve got to zygote they’ve got to get a gun, we have to protect our favourite type of children (hypothetical, yet to be born, in receipt of no welfare) from the real true mass killers in this world; women we don’t like the look of,” added Ted Cruz, before also throwing his weight behind a stimulus bill just titled ‘Doormageddon’.

“Who I ask you is best placed to stop a bad guy armed with birth control but an AR-15 wielding foetus, heck I’d support giving ’em grenades too,” confirmed a Republican senator made entirely from guns.

A vote on the proposals was delayed after some Republicans learned that arming foetuses at 6 weeks, when their gender was unknown would mean having to refer to them as ‘they’, which caused a number of the politicians to begin crying and vomiting.