Government Regrets Asking Man In Charge Of Fixing McDonalds Ice Cream Machine To Build Metrolink


THE coalition government has apologised for an ‘error in judgement’ in the procurement process relating the long delayed Metrolink project following revelations first reported by Waterford Whispers News.

David Fennelly, chief ice cream machine maintenance engineer at fast food giant McDonalds had been awarded the lucrative contract to build and maintain the Metrolink but has made similarly stuttering progress found in his now former job.

“We didn’t check references, and we didn’t look at Google reviews for the Grafton St McDonalds relating specifically to the ice cream machine,” admitted a civil servant in procurement.

“Every time we went over to his office he told us the 3-d modeling machine was out of order, then when we said a 2-d model would do it was the printer that was out of order. He’s adding to delays on the delays we already delayed, we’re looking at 2050 at the earliest for this now,” confirmed Minister for Transport Eamon Ryan.

In what they have described as an astonishing piece of decision making, experts in a large scale infrastructure projects said the Metrolink was now in serious jeopardy.

“What were they thinking? Ask yourself this – when’s the last time you’ve been able to get a McDonalds ice cream? Anyone who says any year more recent than 2012 is a liar,” confirmed civil engineer Yvonne Cartlin.

For his part Fennelly simply shrugged his shoulders apologetically and told the government to try the next nearest branch for a Metrolink they might have one.