Student Stabbing Pencil Case With Compass Awarded BT Young Scientist Prize


FOR OUTSTANDING contributions to innovation and research in the field of absentmindedly stabbing his pencil with a compass out of sheer boredom, 13-year-old Kevin Malally is walking home with the BT Young Scientist Award 2022.

“Kevin has really shown us that there is still new and refreshing ways to poke holes in your pencil case while your teacher drones on about photosynthesis,” one BTYS judge remarked, handing over the prize to the beaming teenager from Waterford.

“It was a lot of hard work, it’s hard to get the perfect ‘KEVO RULEZ’ poked into your plastic pencil case without losing consistency in the lettering and typography but I did it,” Malally shared clutching his winners’ trophy shortly before trying to melt it with the open flame of a bunsen burner.

Malally was then lost in a crowd of angel investor seeking to invest in the teenager’s innovative methods and potential world changing ideas going forward.

“And see here, the gap in this beaker – if you stick this in your bag when the teacher’s not looking you can take it home and it makes the perfect bong, it’s class,” offered Malally to an adoring crowd of leading investors.

This year’s event wasn’t without controversy as hot favourite for the award 11-year-old Ella Tieran was disqualified after judges deemed that her fully functioning time machine project may have been done in a last minute panic the night before by her parents who are both scientists at CERN.