“New Year, New Me” Covid Confirms In Ominous Insta Post


IN A CLICHÉ riddled post about this year being its year, Covid-19 has insisted that while some people may have viewed its year as successful, the airborne disease feels it took the foot off the gas towards the tail end of 2021.

“Sure, I got plenty of attention and airtime but it wasn’t my best work. I’ve got milder in my old age but new year, new me,” insisted Covid-19 full of that unmistakable optimism and self-confidence people become infected with each January before succumbing to reality some time around the end of the month, if not earlier.

“Maybe I went too ‘live, laugh, love’ when what I needed was more ‘die, cry, hate’,” read Covid-19’s words against a picture of a sun rise, sparking rumours that it would drop a new variant any minute.

“I dunno, it feels forced if you ask me,” said one previous Covid fan, who now considers announcements of new mutations predictable and ‘cries for attention’ similar to Apple product launches or Bennifer 2.0.

“Sure,getting praise from people is like shining the sun on a beautiful flower, but I can’t rest on my laurels. Also I know my haters are out their doubting me but lions don’t lose sleep over the opinions of sheep,” continued Covid-19 in a follow reaction video on You1tube, communicating solely in inspo-speak.

Covid-19’s latest Insta post garnered thousands of likes, including from several world leaders who are most widely known for a failure to secure an equitable rollout of vaccines across the world.