Relive Electric Picnic In Your Home With These Simple Tips

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FOLLOWING Laois County Council’s decision not to grant a license for this year’s Electric Picnic, it looks like thousands of revellers will be left with nowhere to revel this September.

If you were looking forward to a return visit to Stradbally (or perhaps were looking forward to your first trip), then unfortunately you’re going to have to make do with an Electric Picnic of your own. Here’s how:

1) Pour water on everything you own

Start your weekend as you mean to go on – as damp as possible. From your shoes to your clothes to your bedsheets, mist everything with a hearty coating of water to really get the feeling of being in a field in Laois in September. You can even dry off temporarily here and there, as long as you soak yourself almost immediately after.

2) Hand over 15 euro for everything you eat

From your Cheerios in the morning to a cup of tea and a purple Snack at night, make sure to Venmo, Revolut, PayPal or otherwise transfer 15 quid or so out of your bank account. It’s steep, but it’s worth it to be able to…

3) Listen to music coming from somewhere

Have a friend place some speakers around the house, out in the garden, up in the attic, or wherever. Now as you wander around the gaff looking for a light while clutching a can of Stella at half nine in the morning, you can be vaguely aware of a song you sort of know playing… somewhere. Maybe we’ll find out later, or maybe we’ll just finish this can.

4) Glue glitter to your face

It seems to be de rigueur at these things.

5) Invest hundreds of thousands of euro into the music and arts industries over the course of three days, possibly saving hundred of artists from poverty

Well, nobody on the government side is going to. Enjoy your weekend, get up at 2AM to go to a rave in your back garden, have sex and have fun, and shore up an entire forgotten sector of the workforce while you’re at it. If your wellies are bright enough, you may even make the Six-One news!

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