Nation Never Going To Hear End Of New Cork Skyscraper


THE decision to greenlight Ireland’s tallest skyscraper in Cork City will return to haunt us, a government-funded group set up to monitor the big-headedness of the Rebel county warned earlier today.

“Cork people are doses at the very best of times, but when they actually have something over you, they are especially vexing” said Simon Connaughton, head of the Cork Monitoring & Assessment Committee, clicking through a Powerpoint outlying the new venture.

“If this construction goes ahead, it may be a generation before we hear the end of it”.

The 34-storey hotel in the port area of Cork will, upon completion, be Ireland’s highest building, generate thousands of jobs in the area, and be the source of potentially millions of ‘stick yer Liberty tower up your hole’ style Facebook posts.

“We’re talking 140 meters of pure headaches,” sighed Connaughton, as he clicked on to a slide marked ‘possible alternatives’.

“We had pleaded with them to make a 70 meter building, but wider; no joy. Five smaller hotels on the sites of beloved former social hot spots, like they do in Dublin; nothing. It seems they were adamant that they wanted the biggest building in Ireland, solely to rub it in everyone’s faces until such a time as a vulture fund opens the purse strings and adds fifty more floors to Fibber Magees”.

Meanwhile, Cork people are preparing themselves for the backbreaking task of staunchly defending the new building when dealing with people from around Ireland, while simultaneously calling it ‘an absolute disgrace’ amongst themselves.